The first few days at home with your newborn are supposed to be almost fairytale-ish. 2 of my kids were that way and 2 of them now have not been. My little Caleb has been having a rough time, which has resulted in many extra prayers and lots of tears from his mama. The Wednesday after he was born, I was starting to notice that he wasn't nursing very well and that he was becoming a bit more lethargic. We weighed him and discovered that his weight had gone back down to 6 lbs 15 oz. After living through Tessa's first few months of life and watching her virtually starve to death, I kind of went into panic mode. I went to a lactation specialist who noticed that he looked a bit tongue tied and also went and saw my sister-in-law, Angel, who thought he had tongue thrust. I stopped nursing him exclusively and started pumping to get my milk supply back up and feeding him anyway I could get milk in him. We were getting very concerned about his weight because he just didn't seem to be gaining as quickly as he should have.
So, my days quickly went from enjoying my new baby, to stressing out over every feeding and how much milk I could get in him. I have been pumping every 2 hours for days now and we are feeding him every 1-2 hours. We are also weighing him a couple of times a day to make sure he is gaining and not losing. It is Tessa all over again....
Other than having a rough time figuring out how to suck, he is a wonderful baby! We love all of his silly faces. He reminds us so much of Adam.
Here he is at 2 weeks. I was too drained to even take a bunch of pictures of him.
We met with a pediatric dentist, Dr. Richter, last Wednesday for a consultation on Caleb's possible tied tongue. His upper lip (frenulum) was really tight and they said his tongue was tied, but more posterior. His membranes were super tight like a guitar string. They went ahead and lasered the membranes. I was already a wreck and left the room. I cried in the waiting room with they did the procedure and thankfully, Eric was able to stay with him. I think Caleb hated being strapped down more than anything, but due to little sleep and being so emotionally drained, I couldn't take hearing him cry.
He got to wear some cool shades for the procedure.
His mouth seems to be healing well. We go back on Wednesday for a follow up with Dr. Richter. Caleb still isn't nursing well and I have mainly stuck to pumping and giving him a bottle. I know that there is nothing wrong with that, but I have felt like such a failure as a mother that I couldn't even feed my baby. I felt like any decision I made was going to be the wrong one for him and I was just feeling so torn between options. After having his mouth done, I had what I am calling my "Come to Jesus" moment. I finally got to feeling like no matter what I do to feed him, as long as he is gaining weight and is healthy and I can be the mom and wife I want and need to be, that is the right decision for us. I am still sad that we are not able to nurse exclusively, but for the times that I get sad over that, I have chocolate and Karen Carpenter to pull me through:)
Most of all, I realize what a blessing this little boy is. There are so many others who could care less whether they bottle or breastfeed, as long as they just get that baby they are longing for. I have felt that longing feeling for my babies and I know how truly blessed we are to have these 4 amazing kids. I don't want to look back on the this time with Caleb and have panic attacks like I still do when thinking about Tessa as a newborn. Having him this small only lasts for a moment and I want to enjoy every second I can of this precious time with him! He finally hit 8 lbs over the weekend, so things are starting to look up and hopefully we are going to have an end to the craziness soon.
